Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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