is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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