And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize