ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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