I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
