My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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