You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
