there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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