Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
