Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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