8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
