Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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