Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize