wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
