And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
