I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
