So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
