I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
