YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
