im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
