I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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