Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
