I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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