im gay
i know
yea but for you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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