Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
