My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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