I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
