Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
