is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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