I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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