It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize