You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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