Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
