i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
only if we run a train.
done.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
