You made me cry and you don't even care
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
