If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
