I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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