The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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