i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
