I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
