i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is the high leading the old right now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
