i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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