so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
