Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
