i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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