i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
