Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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