they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
