there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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