Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
