That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
