If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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