how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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