I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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