VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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