I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize