I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
