yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
