to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
