Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
as a side note pls kill me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
