i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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