so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
