My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
