Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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