i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
