The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize