If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize